Salt & Lavender Bloopers: 2016 Recipe Fails and Bonus Recipes

I always like to read recipe fail posts. Sometimes things go way wrong in the kitchen. I try to laugh about it, but when I feel like crying, I remind myself that the glory of my fail will make it onto the blog. Maybe not in its own post, but it’ll make it here. Some of these are literally recipe fails i.e. they just didn’t taste good, but many of these are photo fails. In the world of food blogging, the photos are just as important as the recipe, which is kind of sad… but it is what it is! It’s kind of hard to explain to people that this mushy looking slop actually tastes amazing, right?

BACON & CHEESE STUFFED PORTOBELLO MUSHROOMS: Photo Fail

My husband affectionately calls this dish “cow pat pies”. These taste really good, but no amount of garnishing made these look nice. Since they passed the taste test, I will let you know what I did to create these hunks of gorgeousness. You probably won’t want to serve them at a special occasion like your wedding or something, though. Recipe: Chop and fry six slices of bacon. Set aside to cool. Mix 1/2 a container of cream cheese (such as Philly) with 2 tbsp sour cream, 1/2 tsp garlic powder, 1/2 tsp onion powder, the green part of 2 spring onions (chopped), 1/2 cup of parmesan cheese, 1/2 cup of breadcrumbs, the bacon, and some pepper. Spoon these into six portobello mushrooms (stem removed). Bake at 385F (rack in top third of oven) for 45 minutes  or until they’re cooked and beautiful. Memories of this recipe sometimes flash in my head when I get the genius idea of making brown food for this blog.

BIGGEST REGRET: Reese’s brownies

I forgot to take photos of the Reese’s brownies I attempted. You’re not missing much. Sure, I am not the world’s best baker, but you’d think brownies would be simple enough. No. I weep for the poor Reese’s cups that perished in this terrible experiment. These “brownies” were partly overcooked, partly underdone, and swimming in oily goop. Even my husband couldn’t stomach them, and that’s saying something.

STOP IT WITH THE STUFFED PORTOBELLO MUSHROOMS ALREADY, NATASHA!!

Yeah, pesto stuffed portobello mushrooms sounded good at the time, but these didn’t end well either. Could anything top the previous portobello mushroom troubles? Spoiler alert: nailed it. I imagined a light, healthy, and delicious filling brimming with freshness. I got this instead:

MINI CRANBERRY GALETTES: thank goodness the full-size ones worked

Their big brother worked out, these sad little things did not. Bet you can’t eat just one.

GRILLED SHRIMP TACOS: no photo evidence, but I promise they’re delicious!

I kid you not… I took the damn photos at least four separate times. I didn’t like any of them. I don’t even have any of the old photos saved for the fails post because I was so blinded by my rage that I deleted them all. 🙂 It’s a shame because they taste really good (until you make them for the umpteenth time). If you dare:

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Grilled Shrimp Tacos

By Natasha Bull

Fabulous grilled shrimp stuffed into a warm flour tortilla and topped with onions, tomatoes, guacamole, and sour cream.

Prep: 20 minutes mins

Cook: 6 minutes mins

Total: 26 minutes mins

Servings: 8 tacos

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Ingredients 

1x2x3x

• ▢ 3/4 pounds medium shrimp peeled and deveined
• ▢ 8-10 medium flour tortillas (or corn tortillas)Guacamole:
• ▢ 2 avocados
• ▢ 1 teaspoon garlic powder
• ▢ Juice from 1 lime
• ▢ Salt & pepper to taste

Shrimp basting oil:

• ▢ 2 tablespoons olive oil
• ▢ 2-3 cloves garlic minced
• ▢ 1/2 teaspoon smoked paprika

Garnish:

• ▢ Guacamole
• ▢ Sour cream
• ▢ 1/2 onion chopped
• ▢ Tomatoes (I used grape tomatoes) to taste
• ▢ 1 tablespoon chopped cilantro
• ▢ 1 lime cut into quarters or smaller

Instructions 

• Pre-heat oven to 375F to warm tortillas. Place tortillas in foil to warm them all at once.
• If you're using wooden skewers to grill the shrimp, it's a good idea to soak them in water for 10 minutes so they don't splinter. I simply wet a piece of paper towel and wrap the skewers in it. You should have enough shrimp to make four skewers.
• If shrimp are frozen, place in a colander under cool running water until they're thawed. Peel and devein if necessary. Take the tails off if you don't want to do it after grilling them.
• Prepare the shrimp basting oil by adding olive oil, garlic, and smoked paprika to a small bowl, and stirring until combined.
• Make the guacamole by mashing together the avocados, garlic powder, lime juice, and salt and pepper. Set aside.
• Prepare the garnishes as needed (chop tomatoes, onions, and cilantro, cut lime, etc.).
• Once your skewers have soaked for 10 minutes, thread the shrimp on them (make a C-shape by poking the top and bottom of the shrimp through the skewer).
• To grill the shrimp skewers, BBQ them on high heat for approximately 2-3 minutes per side or until they're cooked but not overdone (you'll have to adjust based on your BBQ). When you first place the skewers on the BBQ, immediately baste the top of the shrimp skewers with the basting oil, then when you turn them over, baste them again. I recommend a silicone baster as it will withstand the high temperature.
• Remove to cooked shrimp from the skewers using a fork. Remove tails from shrimp if you didn't prior to grilling.
• Assemble tacos by adding shrimp, guac, sour cream, onion, tomatoes, and cilantro to the tortillas. Enjoy immediately with more fresh lime juice.

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Honorable Mention: Tomato and Onion Salad

I’m not sure if I’d call this an outright fail, but I just couldn’t justify putting it on the blog. Some bloggers have success with super simple recipes, but I just felt that it didn’t warrant a blog post on its own. It tasted good, but I made waaaaaaay too much. As in I was breathing onions and had massive heartburn for like two days, and then I finally refused to finish the rest of it. If you want to give it a try (now you TOTALLY do, right?), it’s super simple. Dressing is 2 tbsp red wine vinegar, 1 clove minced garlic, 1/3 cup olive oil, 1/2 tsp sugar, 1/2 tsp dried oregano, and salt & pepper. Toss it with a bunch of chopped tomatoes and a chopped sweet onion. Chill for at least 2 hours. Breathe onion on everyone. Never eat tomatoes again.

So there you have it! Bring on 2017. Here’s a drink.